Once again I, Invincible Sorceror Shane, sully my magnificence by acknowledging the worthless existance of so many insignificant worms. In order to save your puny planet from your own folly, I am forced to notify you all of the forthcoming ritual of celebration for the anniversary of my arrival on this plane of existance. It draws near to the astral alignment signifying 26 "years" by your pathetic calendar since the birthing of the astounding mortal form you have come to associate with my majesty. It would distress me if many lowly worms were not to attend the rituals, and when I am afflicted by distress my VENGEANCE IS TOTAL! And so it falls to you to prevent the annihilation of your feeble mudball by presenting yourselves at my Fortress of Terror. Its current location is too complicated for your miniscule brains to comprehend, but to all intents and purposes you may find it by moving in your amusing concept of three-dimensional space to Studio 54 in Artane. Continue to amuse me with such laughable concepts and you may even be spared your species' inevitable destruction by my hand. We will also mark the return of Evil Eternal Emperor DoC (COWER as his holy name is mentioned!) from his subjugation of an adjascent galaxy. Entire continents explode into vapour at the awesome might of his verbal wrath! See that their fate is not yours! ATTEND OR PERISH! The ancient texts speak of vestments and paraphernalia required to ensure the success of the rituals. In accordance with these arcane instructions, a theme has been selected for the rituals, that of the culture and habits of the inhabitants of the lowliest and most wretched continent on your degenerate world - Australia. Invincible Sorceror Shane demands that you don shorts and wide-brimmed hats! Gorge your inferior bodies on barbecued meats, frosty beer and rum! Subject your ears to the music of Slim Dusty! Observe as the one you call Dundee conquers the television set! Speak gibberish slang in hilarious accents! SUBMIT TO MY INDOMITABLE WILL! All that remains is to dictate when and how you should present yourself for grovelling, cringing and sycophancy. In my stupefying benevolance I have created instructions on finding my Fortress of Terror, available at: http://www.redbrick.dcu.ie/~wishkah/directions.html Invincible Sorceror Shane has no need of this thing you call "money" and so you must supply your own sustenance and refreshment. The rituals begin at seven o'clock on the night of the 21st of August, your "Saturday", and continue until the last surviving member of your race has fallen. This gives you ample time to arrange your craven social lives to suit my whim! DO NOT FAIL ME! NEVER DARE FAIL YOUR MASTER! Yours etc. Invincible Sorceror Shane -- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- | Deadly to his enemies, irresistible to women, a legend in | | his own time. Every bit an international man of mystery. | -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- 'All warfare is based on deception' Sun Tzu